Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
