people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
How does it feel to date your dad?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
