Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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