sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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