He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
