The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
