he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
