Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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