Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
