a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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