You just made me feel so damn special
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
