she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
