do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
