Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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