He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
