I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
