i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaĆt comercial?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridgeš¤
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
