Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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