Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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