dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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