I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
