just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
