Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
