Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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