it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
