apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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