Soap is not a condiment
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
