Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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