all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
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I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
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Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.