Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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