K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"