By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you