Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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