The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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