he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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