every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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