I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
