dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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