Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
