i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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