i just had sex bonerless
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
