if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
