They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
whose parrot is this?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
