im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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