I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i was born a porn star she said
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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