dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
