my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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