New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
