oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
