Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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