I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
