oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
