he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
