my vag is so smooth its legendary
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
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She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
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Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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