I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
