Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
