He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
