I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
