im about as happy as oj after his trial
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
