eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
