I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Dicks are not precious.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
