M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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