So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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