We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
