I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
false alarm. still invincible.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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