If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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