we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
