I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
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She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
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you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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